i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
