sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Randomize
