make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
