she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
