It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize