It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
