does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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