YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
