you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm really busy with my period
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