I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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