Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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