Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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