i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
