We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
