Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
