I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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