we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need water and some morals
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
