lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
