FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize