the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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