i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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