I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
