Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
