Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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