god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
