I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
