ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
