1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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