so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
