A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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