i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
