Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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