He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
