I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
