The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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