tell your sister to shave her snatch
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
