pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
