Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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