someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize