thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
