when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
