Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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