benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
