I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
