sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
