I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
