my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
