Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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