You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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