broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
