I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
