i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
