How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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