do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize