Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
