in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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