my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
