I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
