For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
