Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
