that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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