it hurts more in the daytime
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
