i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
