Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
