Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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