Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
