She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize