My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
