There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
