Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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