I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
