Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
