I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
