Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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