alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
