I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
