what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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