I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
