No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
