Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
